Time
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: A very sad, short story. Deathfic. Is it too late for Genrou to say "I love you" to his beloved? Reincarnation, shounen-ai


Time  
  
By Ryuuen  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst.  
  
A/N: This is a one-shot I thought up after reading, "The Pain of Loss", a Sailor Moon fanfic. Don't ask. Anyway, this is really sad, so if you don't like sad stuff, turn back now. This is also a songfic. The song is "Loving You as if Praying" by Araki Kae (as Miaka).  
  
NOTE: Takes place in our time.  
  
~"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."~  
  
::TIME::  
  
~~"Hey, I finally understand the thing called love. Even though we live in different worlds, our lives are one."~~  
  
It's raining again. I can feel the soft drops as they come in through the window, kissing my face with their chill. I hear you behind me, but I don't move.  
  
"Genrou?" You inquire. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I hate the rain." I say softly, glaring at the liquid that falls from the sky.  
  
You don't say anything to that, you just smile at me, kiss the top of my head, and tell me to close the window. I comply, with a little smile. It's been too long since I saw you smile anyway.  
  
"Ry?" I look up at you. "You should get some rest.. you look like you need it."  
  
You nod, saying that you are sort of tired, and would I like to join you? I nod. Of course I do.  
  
I love you, even if I never can find the strength to say it, even when you say the words to me.  
  
~~"Your pain is my grief. Echoing even more than words, let's protect the 'universe.'"~~  
  
Stop apologizing. Stop it. It's not your fault you got sick.  
  
You're laying in the bed, propped up on pillows. No one's exactly sure what's wrong with you, and it pisses me off. Then again, if it was bad enough to do serious damage, wouldn't they have a name for it? The knowledge, then, makes me feel safe.  
  
I try not to see the dark circles under your eyes, or the way those rose-violet pools have lost their shine. The way you've gotten so thin, so fragile. I try not to wonder about it. It only makes you feel worse when I'm sad, or when I talk about your being sick, anyway.  
  
"Genrou.." You whisper, with a soft smile that doesn't reach your eyes. "You should get some sleep.. I'll be okay, if you leave. I'm not going to dissappear, I promise."  
  
You mean it in jest, but it's my fear. I don't want to leave, lest you should dissappear when I'm gone. I don't want anything to happen to you. I love you, no matter that I can never seem to find a way to tell you. I think you know. I just don't want to lose you.  
  
"I love you, Genrou," you whisper as I stand to leave. "No matter what."  
  
"Oyasumi, Ryuuen." I say, unable to say what I want to say. I walk out then, leaving behind your dark eyes, which were misty with unshed tears.  
  
I feel my own eyes fill with tears the moment I shut the door.  
  
~~"Loving you as if praying. What cannot be seen with your eyes: that is energy."~~  
  
You've been getting worse. It hurts to look at you, it makes me too sad. You can't even get out of bed, and your trips to the hospital are frequent, in the doctor's vain attempts to figure out what's wrong with you.  
  
I'm by your side every moment, but you hardly seem to see me. When you do, you tell me you love me, and that you're sorry you're going to leave me. I always tell you that you won't leave me, you're only eighteen, that's way too young. You aren't even in college yet.  
  
Saihitei's parents talked to the principal, Suzaku bless them, and him for asking them to. I don't have to go back to school yet. I can stay with you until you get better. And don't give me that look, you will get better. You always pull through, even when the situation is really grim, like it is now. You've never failed before, don't let this be the first time.. please.  
  
I don't want to lose you again, Ryuuen.. Nuriko.  
  
~~"(Feel like I'm in paradise.) My happiness becomes two-fold. (I believe in dreams come true.) Love is a near miracle, right?"~~  
  
You always used to pester me about remembering our past life. How we were best friends, warriors who fought for the greater good. Servents of Suzaku, the pheonix-God. I never remembered until now. Now, the nightmares of your death.. they haunt me. I can't let it happen again.  
  
I can't.. I won't.  
  
I won't let you down this time, Nuriko.  
  
~~"Even a little smile really cheers me up. Right now, I want to convey all that's suddenly shining."~~  
  
You hardly talk anymore, to anyone. When you do, it's usually to me. Sometimes you cry out for Miaka, or Hotohori, or someone. Sometimes you mutter about the past.  
  
I remember when you used to tell me stories about the past life. I wish you'd do that again.  
  
Now, all you do is lay there. The doctors say there's been some improvement, but I haven't seen it. Your eyes have become hollow. You don't eat, they have to feed you through an I.V. Gods, what I wouldn't give for Mitsukake's healing powers now, but from what I've heard, his reincarnation is in Brazil. He probably doesn't even know about us here.  
  
You know, I started praying to Suzaku for you.  
  
~~"Loving you as if praying. The twinkling light: that is energy."~~  
  
It's been almost a month and a half since you got sick. You can't talk, you can't eat, can hardly move. There are dark circles under your eyes. The doctors still don't know what's happening, but I do.  
  
They say the past repeats itself. That must surely be what's happening now. But, no.. I won't let it happen! If I have to, I'll give you my own life to fight this! You know I would.  
  
Miaka came the other day, with Taka. They must have sensed your pain. Even Taka cried when they saw you, but all you did was look at them. You couldn't talk to them. I cried, as well, seeing that look on your face, and Miaka crying, Taka trying to be strong, even though his tears escaped anyway.  
  
You cried as well, I saw the tears. But still you didn't speak.  
  
~~"(Feel like I'm in paradise.) Even though we're apart, we're still linked. (I believe in dreams come true.) Love is clearly hope, right?"~~  
  
Miaka shook me awake, two days after she had decided to start helping me to take care of you. I asked her what was wrong, but I already knew, by the tears in her eyes.  
  
I ran to your room, and saw you lying on the bed. You looked better than you had in weeks, but you were so pale, so cold.. you weren't breathing, Ryuuen.  
  
But.. I held the tears inside. I couldn't let anyone see me cry. Not even Miaka, whose loud sobs were audible even to my stunned ears. My stunned mind.  
  
I was numb, when the ambulence came to take you away.  
  
~~"Loving you as if praying. What cannot be seen with your eyes: that is energy."~~  
  
I'm standing before your grave. Miaka is crying nearby, held by Taka. Saihitei is crying as well, though silently.  
  
The words on your tombstone stare up at me. "Ryuuen Chou:: 1985-2003." You were eighteen years old, just like before. Again, I couldn't help you. I couldn't even tell you the most important thing in the world: how much you meant to me.  
  
I kneel before your grave, and feel the tears make their tracks down my face.  
  
"Aishite'ru, Nuriko.." I whisper hoarsely. "Aishite'ru."  
  
~~"(Feel like I'm in paradise.) My happiness becomes two-fold."~~  
  
It's been a month. It's raining again.  
  
I stare out the window at the rain, feeling the cold drops against my skin. Feeling the hot tears against my cheek.  
  
You aren't there to tell me to come to bed anymore.  
  
~~"(I believe in dreams come true.) Love is a near miracle, right?"~~  
  
~owari~ 


End file.
